Grammar. Also anger. A lot of anger.
Grammar.
What happened to it? I’m not saying I’m a saint when it comes to grammar in posts, especially in chats, but I don’t fucking get paid to display my written skills to the public.
The other day I was waiting at the doctor’s office and there happened to be a copy of Sports Illustrated - a well-respected magazine, one that sells millions of copies a month. I like sports. I like magazines. Let’s read what the writers and editors, who are obligated to write at an 8th grade reading level by publications, have to tell me about the recent football match-ups.
HOLY SHIT, PEOPLE! There were grammar mistakes left and fucking right. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’ve always read blogs with perpetual grammar errors, but, NOW, I can’t fucking handle this shit. If you get paid to write, don’t fucking butcher it and then chuckle and go: “Well fuck you, it’s my blog, it’s my freedom of speech, get your own and do whatever-the-fuck you want with it.”
No. Fuck you, buddy. You’re part of the problem why people can’t even pronounce words that are longer than three syllables long, let alone spell them, and then write a coherent and cohesive sentence. Yay, we’ve got spell-check! HOORAY! You can right-click and fix your spelling, but that shit doesn’t underline your entire post when you butcher the fucking language while spelling everything correctly. Go ahead: write a post, do not spell-check or fix any of your initial spelling. Are most of your words underlined with a red line? Well that’s exactly what that shit looks like when the spelling is correct but grammar isn’t.
People, please, fix the fucking language. Cuss all you want. Be artistic with your sentences. Don’t break them. I’m an immigrant; I came from Russia when I was 11-years-old and didn’t speak a lick of the language until I was twelve, or so. Now I’m 25 and have written in this language for a considerable shorter period of time than most of you, what the fuck is your excuse?
Do you, or someone you know, write for a blog that thousands of people read? Do you (they) hate grammar? Either fucking learn it, or email me and I’ll fix it for you (v.vladimir@gmail.com). It may not be professional-grade, but you won’t look like an idiot and you’ll, perhaps, educate people. Education is contagious, so don’t resign yourself to covering your ears and screaming “LA LA LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING,” let’s do something about it, collectively.
Want a crash course? Buy this book. It’s $8 dollars, come on, skip a coffee and learn something for the good of the collective intelligence. No, I didn’t write it.
……I wasn’t kidding about emailing me. You can also email me and tear apart my grammar in this post, for which I will thank you for making me aware of the problem that I became a part of by being a bystander.
